Sunday, February 8, 2015

Blank Space

Have you ever had a bad feeling about something? Like something bad is about to go down but you just don't know it yet?

I've been having that same bitter taste in my mouth for the past couple of weeks but I just really cant point my finger as to where or when it is coming.

I am a little mad when it comes to love. I get jealous easily. I particularly hate it when my boyfriend still contacts a particular girl that I specifically told him to stay away from.

Call it crazy but you can call it naivety on her part as well. I really don't stalk her often but certain times when it does cross my mind, I do check out her facebook. Lo and behold every single time. His comments would be at the top, his likes would be towards all her pictures.

His moves seems a little suspicious to me lately. From our hidden relationships from all social network to the lack of a single picture with my face on it, I find it a tad uncomfortable. Perhaps I am overthinking but this certainly is a recipe for a good hook up with other girls while I am away.

Confrontation with him always ends with a brush off on his part. Maybe a little too much, that I don't bother anymore. But, isn't that dangerous? To not care? As time goes, even though this things still persists, I find myself caring less and less. It's like I had given up. On him.

Maybe, I need a man who will make me feel a little bit more secure. Someone whom when people refer to him, will not refer to him as a playboy material. Or someone who is not always messaging girls eventhough they are "just friends". I don't buy that. If I told you to stop it because I don't like it, I do have my reasons. People call it intuition, I call it instinct.

I do love him. But not the person he has become. Probably the scars from the previous break up is enough to make me stay away enough to know that he is capable of letting me go easily. TOO easily.

What if by the time this is over, I still don't trust him?