Addiction

I thought I was moving on
Until one day
Someone asked me

"If you had one wish, what would it be?"
And the first thing I thought of

Was to waste that wish on you.

Why wont my parachute open?

Because I'm dumb that's why.

I had an earful of advice from my best friend the other day.

Mostly about the life choices that I'm making and how disapproving she is of it. I know I should listen to her, because she is right, but the heart's a little crazy right now.
I don't know why I do but whenever I stalk/conveniently press into my bf's "friend"'s profile, I do feel a pang of disappointment. From his constant likes in her photos to the same exact article being shared by both of them on the exact same date.

I do feel a tad insecure. Maybe because I really do know the reason why. Maybe this parachute wont open anymore. I'm getting kind of used to it.

Don't anymore, it's miserable. I know where I stand, so don't ever open. Part of me don't want you to, part of me is still hoping that you'll burst open. But for now, don't. Just let me paddle my way to safety. I'll get used to it.

Blank Space

Have you ever had a bad feeling about something? Like something bad is about to go down but you just don't know it yet?

I've been having that same bitter taste in my mouth for the past couple of weeks but I just really cant point my finger as to where or when it is coming.

I am a little mad when it comes to love. I get jealous easily. I particularly hate it when my boyfriend still contacts a particular girl that I specifically told him to stay away from.

Call it crazy but you can call it naivety on her part as well. I really don't stalk her often but certain times when it does cross my mind, I do check out her facebook. Lo and behold every single time. His comments would be at the top, his likes would be towards all her pictures.

His moves seems a little suspicious to me lately. From our hidden relationships from all social network to the lack of a single picture with my face on it, I find it a tad uncomfortable. Perhaps I am overthinking but this certainly is a recipe for a good hook up with other girls while I am away.

Confrontation with him always ends with a brush off on his part. Maybe a little too much, that I don't bother anymore. But, isn't that dangerous? To not care? As time goes, even though this things still persists, I find myself caring less and less. It's like I had given up. On him.

Maybe, I need a man who will make me feel a little bit more secure. Someone whom when people refer to him, will not refer to him as a playboy material. Or someone who is not always messaging girls eventhough they are "just friends". I don't buy that. If I told you to stop it because I don't like it, I do have my reasons. People call it intuition, I call it instinct.

I do love him. But not the person he has become. Probably the scars from the previous break up is enough to make me stay away enough to know that he is capable of letting me go easily. TOO easily.

What if by the time this is over, I still don't trust him?

Truth Be Told

I'm afraid of you.

Every promise you make, every words that breeze through your mouth so effortlessly.

Not because I don't believe them, but because I have seen how quickly you can walk away. How quickly the imaginary lines get shattered.

And all that's left is disappointment.

Maybe, just maybe the glass has shattered enough.

The things that kill me makes me feel alive

Distance.

Is a damn bitch.

Pardon the foul language. But it has toyed with every single one of my relationships. And I hate it.

Not that I want to be far away from the one I love. I have to.

Perempuan bercita-cita tinggi lelaki tak mau tunggu.

"Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe and there is the love that will be ready"

Maybe I should take this quote's advice?

I don't know what's worth fighting for. Your lost love, or my fear of love.

But for now, I'm afraid of falling in love. I fear the three words.I fear that the more I talk to you, the more I will fall in love. Over again. So I'm going to stay away from you. Stay away.
I don't want to love anymore. Not you, not anyone.

Somewhere only we know

Because I feel kind of lost lately.

This is one of those days when I'm supposed to study but is just looking for a way out of it. So here I am.

Ever wanted to say something so bad but you have to hold your tongue? I did. Every single one worded reply I sent him.

I have been prohibited from my bestie from texting my ex. Ever. I don't know if it's the right call to make, by trusting my life's decision to somebody else but right now, that seems about right. I'm so drunk in the idea that any form of I Love Yous seems pretty legit to me. Seems like everyone is asking me to stay away, but how much can a strong person take? Ever since the break up, I was just empty hoping that a message would come my way. A sorry, an apology to say the least. Nothing.

Not only that, I had to restrain myself from getting into other relationships. Just because I don't think I can trust anybody anymore. I don't feel like myself lately. I got close to a few of my old friends but the moment we got too close, I backed out like a deer about to hit a streetlight. And I keep doing that. Not that it's their fault, it's mine. The minute they show any sign that they like me, trust me when I say this, I could have broken another 800m record by the speed I got away. I hit a personal record turning down proposals last week. No achievement. Just a wallow of self despair. Because I couldn't find it in myself to feel anything anymore. A numbness that overwhelms the heart.

Just the other day his friend was whatsapping me when he mentioned about Dota. Halfway through he said I wouldn't understand. It's a guy's thing. I said " Try me " and I actually did understood what he was talking about. See like a dumb fool I was, I did go to watch and support my ex when he was playing in the dota competition. I know many girls wouldn't. But me being a damn idiot went there with my final sessionals so close, brought food for him and sat through the entire mind numbing match with zero knowledge and interest in my mind. The only thing that kept me there? Love.
When he heard this, man that guy was impressed. Needless to say he knows what I am going through and gave me a piece of advice which I'm going to write here to remind myself until my blog gets published :if you open up your heart a bit i'm telling u boys will be scavenging you like the last piece of meat on earth" yeah thanks. But my heart is vacant now.

I've been getting really good scores in exams lately despite trying to find a balance in my life. My friend said, "eh now no boyfriend d going to become topper d lah?" That was after I scored 57/60 for one of the subjects falling short on the 3 marks because the lecturers HAVE to subtract my marks albeit no mistakes because "nobody ever gotten perfect score before". I'm at this point of my life where my past relationships is being pulled out and being joked around. I kid but I don't laugh. I laugh at the statement that I "need to get a bf soon. Because aiya why wanna be sad sad over someone?"

But really. What's the point of being at the top when the view up there is so lonely? I'd rather be somewhere mediocre and have someone share my ups and downs with me. I know that there are who would like to be that person to me. But for now, I think I'm going to surrender to being a nun. Just for now. Until I can get over this fear that grips me.

The worse is when you know for a fact he is enjoying every minute of his life, you being just a past to trample on. Damn them feels.

I cant believe I could get anyone I want but I'm still pining for him. Guess the love I felt at that time was real albeit his. Guess this is the suckiest feeling I'll ever dig myself into.

When my blog gets published, this post will be deleted. I'm a little miss sunshine. I hide it well from my daily life.

You'll do fine darling, just run a little harder. You're almost there. Almost. The finish line is already in sight.

CHRIS DARLING stardy your damn endo!!

Just carry on. Carry on. 

MUMBAI DAY 2

DAY 2

First place on the itinerary is none other than BREAKFASTTTT!!!

Being such a foodie that we are, I didn't mind getting up early for a good brekkie especially in a new state :)

On our way!

We walked from our hotel, passing by various monuments and buildings, towards Kala Ghoda Cafe which is situated around 15 minutes from our Hotel.

THE WALK WAS WORTH EVERY BIT OF FAT IT BURNED. Because I filled it up with more than my tummy could hold.

The famous ginger cake

This place offers a wide selection of breakfast and drinks and serves up a storm to match it's high ratings.

Yup we got the best seat upstairs

After breakfast, we then made our way to the iconic Gateway of India. The weather started to heat up as soon as we started our journey and got worse by the time we reach. It was scorching hot in the Gateway but we persevered for a memorable picture nonetheless beating the heat while we're at it :P
I wasn't kidding when I say that it's hot. It really is very very HOT!!! I could hardly open my eyes to take any pictures, hence I implore the help of a secret weapon every woman should have, SUNGLASSSSS~~  tee hee!!

After a few clicks *few is an understatement*, we then made our way to Elephanta Caves. Yassin and Aqilah who had been there before went over to the Prince of Wales Museum.

To get to the Elephanta Caves, we first boarded a ferry which takes around 1 hour to get to our destination. It costs around Rs 150 and is pretty comfortable if you manage to get a seat that is shielded from the sun. ( I'm not much of a heat person )

Upon arriving at the Caves, we were approached by an English speaking tour guide who offered us his services for Rs950. He was indeed very helpful by carrying our stuff to giving us in depth tour of the entire cave. Being a local in the area, he knew exactly where to place us to get the best pictures :P So we ended up with a good number of photos clicked from him.

Oh and how can I forget to mention that we were treated like a celebrity there? With people lining up to take pictures with us (families mostly because we are cautious what young men might do with those pics) to cameras just pointing at our faces the entire time we were walking there :)

I also loved the caves because....... it is cool!! The place was very cooling plus the fact that the statues there were simply breathtaking. We were told that there was another Ajunta Caves for Buddhist which was around 1 hour plus away but we didn't go due to shortage of time.

We met up with Yassin and Aqilah in Le Pain Quotient Cafe located adjacent to the Gateway upon making our way back. What a change of pace as compared to Hard Rock yesterday. With soothing classical music to cooling fresh mint lemonade, this place is certainly a quaint little cafe not to be missed. Especially in the scorching hot weather.

We then boarded a taxi and made our way to the Haji Ali Floating Mosque. The walkway was pretty decent with nice sea breeze caressing our sweaty faces. We made it into the gates but didn't enter the Mosque as a fight broke out between the people there. Fearing our safety we headed back.

We went over to the Factory Outlet Street for a little shopping.

Next up we headed to the Causeway Night Bazaar. With the blooming lights and crowd hastily bargaining, it is no wonder that this place is one of the top to do list in Mumbai. With little sprouting stalls selling colorful  trinklets to peacock fans, this place has everything and anything. Perfect for little shopaholics like us!
And Yassin would kill me if I forgot to mention his Theobroma restaurant. The one we nearly missed out just because we got tired of looking. And just by trusting his instinct of the 5 minute rule, we finally spotted it across the road. That was the biggest and proudest smile I've seen on his face for a while now! HAHHA! The place has won a number of awards and is pretty quaint on it's own. We also had our dinner at the Bademiya Seekh Kababs which serves just heavenly tandoori and kababs.

Bademiya Kabab

Theobroma

\

After gobbling down the the yummy cakes and cool fresh mint lime, we slowly made our way to the Gateway of India once more because we heard of it's majesty at night. The picture did not do justice to the place because it all turned out greenish. So we employed the service of the cameramen there. Pretty smart idea because we got some pretty pictures for memory sake.

We took a nice long walk back home afterwards. All tired and happy, with our tummy filled to the brim. Happy~

Mumbai Day 1

Day 1

We booked our Air India flight tickets via MakeMyTrip. The 4 of us having booked the 6am flight planned to leave Manipal at 3am to make our way to Mangalore. However Yassin and myself received a call at 1.50am stating that our flight has been delayed to 9am. That call came as a relieve for me because I had trouble sleeping at 8pm the day before *I'm a nightowl* Tee hee!!

Upon reaching the airport, we were once again informed that the flight has been delayed to 12.40pm. Thankfully we had UNO!!! That kept us so occupied that we weren't even aware that hours had passed. That too with a lot of inside conspiracy jokes against me mainly as well as lots of bewildered laughter that garnered a lot of hushes from the people there.

Having our flight delayed for 6 hours, our initial plan/itinerary went awry. So we shifted the last day plan to the first day.

Mumbai Airport is truly a sight to behold

First stop, HOTEL.

Taxis in Mumbai are so adorable!

We stayed in the P.A Residency Hotel which is about 15 minutes of leisure walk from the Fort area. We were charged Rs2700 per night which is a pretty reasonable price for that area. The rooms were quite decent as well considering the fact that it is a new hotel. However, many taxis do not know the location of this hotel because it was just recently erected. So getting home using a taxi is a pretty daunting task unless we have GPS on to guide the drivers back.

After freshening up a little bit, we headed onto High Street Phoenix Mall. (The taxi here uses meter and we were charged only RS 100 for a trip from our hotel) 

What a cultural shock we had when we reached the place. The mall is so upbeat and posh as compared to the streets of Mumbai. The Mall area is essentially made of 4 malls which surrounds the area.

Lamb

Pork Rib Rack

*Tip : when in High Street Phoenix, do go to the top floor where you will find a FoodHall tucked in the back. This place holds a variety of oh so yummy food that we just couldn't resist despite just having a pork ribs rack from TGIF. And don't forget to check out the bakery section which is hidden somewhere in the food maze. 

Blueberry Cake - The best

Walnut Cinnamon Honey Bread

After stuffing ourselves silly with food, we then made our way to the Hard Rock Hotel which is located around 8 minutes drive from the Mall. If you're into Rock music, this is your heaven. The burger there was so amazing I'm still having foodgasm in my mouth as I'm writing this. I love love loveee the atmosphere there and the music was amazing albeit it being a lil too loud. But it was all good fun when they roll out the YMCA and we happily joined in. And what's more, I got a little souvenir and a peck on the hand from a Caucasian just before I left. Thank you!

We went home pretty late that night but with happy stomach. And nothing beats a good meal!! *A few good ones in fact* Tee Hee!!

YUMS!

MUMBAI DAY 3

This post will be a little shorter compared to the rest because I'm running a little headache from the crazy weather outside my house :)

We started out with a beautiful long walk to the Kala Ghoda cafe again the next day ( yes, again. The place just blew our tastebuds out of orbits the first day ). On our way there, we came across the filming location of TVS scooter commercial. So me being the busy body one, popped my head near where the security guard was standing. Fingers crossed! Tee hee!!!

We then passed by the State Court where we went in for a quick tour around.

After a hearty meal, we took the taxi and made our way to the Victoria's Garden and Zoo. Frankly speaking, it wasn't very picturesque because of the lack of maintenance. But the company made it matter. We started to pose like the episodes of Asia's Next Top Model and started jumping, climbing here and there. I cant stress this enough, company is more than important.

We proceded to the museum for a little break because the sun was scorching in the garden.

Lunch was at this beautiful restaurant next to the Garden. Persian Darbar restaurant where we had lamb leg briyani. It was amazing but unfortunately too enormous for us. "Challenge accepted" kononnya. LOL!

Chor Bazaar was next! This place would be heaven for all antique collectors as old newspaper clippings, antique bottles, and many many different little jewels can be found here. We went into a few stores but since none of us were collectors, we ended up empty handed.

Next we made our way to the Taj Hotel for a taste of the luxurious life. The interior of the Hotel was just beyond exquisite and we took our time to tour around the place. Later we headed over to Starbucks and decided to go back to the hotel for a little freshening up because it was just too hot outside.

As soon as the sun sets, we headed out again but this time to the Marine Drive. We first stopped by Chowpatty Beach because there was a beautiful array of shops by the beach selling little wonders.

First of all, New Kulfi Centre. Sorry, it should be NEW KULFI CENTRE. Why the bold letters?  Because it was damn good. So damn good, we basically finished our entire dinner there. That was the one time I ate so much of ice cream in one sitting before. Along the road we found another vendor called THE BACHELOR'S JUICE. another bold letters. Mango cream ice shake was the bomb. Yassin and Aqilah had the ferrero chocolate if i'm not mistaken and that tasted more than lovely.

Steph and her kulfi :)

After stuffing ourselves silly, we took a long walk along the Marine Drive. It was one of the loveliest memory in Mumbai. We sat by the sea and just talked. Shortly after we took a long walk back to our hotel. We talked, we laughed, we ran past the busy streets with our eyes closed. We went home happy and contented.

This is one beautiful hospital